Judy and Mike

Dear Lisa
My sister moved to Branson a few years ago. I miss her so much. She is one of the most talented people I know. She cooks, she quilts, and can decorate on a shoe string budget. She really is amazing. I try to get to Branson as often as possible. Which usually ends up being once a year. But I Love her - we talk every day. Her husband Mike, it turns out is as creative as she is. He is the writer, fisherman, gardener and just an all around good guy.

Visit their blog http://www.schoonercreek.blogspot.com/

After my divorce (this was 1995) I had just moved into my Condo. The boys and I were trying our best to settle in. I was broken and scared. I had 3 small boys and I was alone. I had a mortgage and no job. Mike and Judy were there for me every step of the way. They helped me move, they helped me paint, they helped me unpack. But I will never forget what they did for us that first Christmas.

While I was at work and the boys were at school they came into the house and worked a magic that only they are capable of. When we got home there were lights strung on the outside of the house shining like the Christmas Star. When we walked inside we saw the most beautiful Christmas tree - in the stand and the lights were twinkling. (The year before I tried to put up my own tree, I was separated at the time but in the old house. I think Mike had to save me from a tree that kept falling down. We ended up tieing a rope around the top and securing it to a rafter above, so it would not fall a 4th time before Christmas.) There was even a train running around the base of the tree. (They didn't put the ornaments on because they knew that the boys would want to do that) But the most memorable thing, and my young men still talk about it to this day - There was a note from one of Santa's elf's. Lucky, was his name. He promised them that this would be a Christmas full of memories and new traditions in our new home. I am crying right now just remembering the love they shared with my family that year. And Lucky was right. It was a Christmas that we will always remember. I don't remember much from that first year after my divorce, my auto pilot kicked in, but that Christmas I remember vividly.

That is my sister and brother - (not IN-LAW because at some point I just get to claim him as my own)

This is my sister and one of the quilts she is most famous for. You can read more details about this quilt and what an adventure it was on their blog site.

with my memories,
Lisa

The Mall

Dear Lisa

I've now been in downtown Indiana for 10 days training for my new job. I wouldn't exactly call this grueling considering there are enormous chunks of unscheduled time in which I am left to entertain myself. And what better way to entertain oneself than to spend money.

I much prefer flipping through sale racks at the local TJ Maxx over say a visit to the Native American museum. This city has a cleverly constructed mall to which almost all the downtown businesses are connected through a series of gerbil like tubes and walkways. The thrilling result is that you are never more than a heartbeat away from Forever 21.

Since my arrival to this thriving metropolis I have been on a puzzling and dare I say fiscally irresponsible mission to eat at and purchase something from almost every conceivable franchise including but not limited to: Chick Filet, The Hard Rock Cafe, Borders, Bakers Shoes, Carson Pierre Department Store, Au Bon Pain, The Running Store, Starbucks, Steak N Shake, PF Changs, TJ Maxx, CVS Pharmacy and some chocolate store that I've never heard of but I'm sure must be a chain or it wouldn't be here. I now own 4 more pairs of shoes than I did 10 days ago. In addition to the shoes I am also the proud new owner of 2 pair of Hanes Silk Reflection panty hose, 2 tubes of Maybeline Extreme Lash mascara, dental floss, a plastic sleeve filled with cotton cosmetic pads, Garnier Fructose hair mousse, 2 different brands of chocolate covered cherries (one of which was discarded for not being chocolatey enough) and whole lotta receipts for overpriced cocktails.

I need 'tough love'!!
Lisa

Diet Coke

Dear Lisa,
I am addicted to Diet Coke! Seriously I need a 12 step program. The stuff is poison. I know that. It is nothing more than chemicals going into your body and that can't be good. But, alas - I LOVE it - I do. And I am not ashamed (well maybe a little bit ashamed) to admit it.

I stopped drinking Diet Coke in March. I gave up all soda. I decided that Diet Coke was not helping, only hindering my weight lose efforts. The chemicals make me crave sugar, they make me retain water and they make me foggy in the brain. (Well maybe Diet Coke isn't to blame for all of my foggy headed-ness, but it was a contributing factor.) I know you have heard that Coke will eat through anything - even the battery acid on your car. Well, it is true - several years ago - pre Hyundai - I was driving a mini van. Alright that is enough - I can hear you forming opinions about me - groaning saying she was one of those. But logistically - I had to drive a mini van. I don't care what anyone says - with 3 boys all playing hockey. It was just a matter of needing to fit everyone and everything in the vehicle at one time. How would I choose who to leave behind? But I digress - back to the Diet Coke. My battery had an explosion of gunk and would not start one day - so being the handy gal that I am - I lifted the hood. I saw all of this gunk and decided it might be a problem so I grabbed the nearest 2 liter bottle and dumped it on the battery - and guess what - my battery connections shined like a new penny! No telling what Diet Coke was doing to my digestive system.

When I first removed it from my daily intake of liquids, I had a head ache for days. Now some might say it was the caffeine that I was missing, they would be wrong. I replaced my Diet Coke addiction with coffee and tea. So I was getting plenty of caffeine. The head ache was my body's withdrawal from what ever it is in Diet Coke that make me love it so much. The headache lasted abut a week, maybe 5 days but that is enough of the week to count. Unfortunately - I didn't and still have not lost any weight.

But today, maybe it is because I am losing my job in 18 days, maybe because it was a beautiful day, maybe it was because of the extra large soda for only 0.99 they advertised this morning. I went through the drive through and had my first Diet Coke in months. And let me tell you, IT WAS GOOD! (This is why I need a 12 step program, I might not be able to get back on that wagon I just fell off of) No one has a better Diet Coke than McDonald's. Seriously, I have said that for years and they are now starting to advertise the fact. There is just something about a fountain Diet Coke that beats the heck out of a can or bottle. That initial burn I get in my throat as that cold deliciousness fills my stomach. Nothing can beat that. And McDonald's has the best mix of carbonation to syrup. I will say that Qudoba runs a close second, but McDonald's they are, hands down, the best.

Now the fact that they were 0.89 last year did make me wonder if perhaps we need to get the Oval office involved. A 10% increase in price year over year seems hefty to me. The cost of living increase to minimum wage was less than 5% in most places and that was over 3-5 years- how are the folk working at McDonald's ever going to be able to afford a Diet Coke.
Addicted always,
Lisa

Dear Lisa
Ever notice how you have to have a carbonated beverage with fast food? Seriously. Burgers, pizza, deli sandwiches ... they all call for carbonation and chips. I can't eat a sandwhich without chips and bubbles.

I only do diet when I can't afford another 200 calories but usually I just drink regular because I can't handle the aspertane. I feel like a laboratory rat.
Here's a refreshing low cal non chemically drink. Mix 1 part lite cranberry juice with 2 parts perrier, mendotta or any kind of sparkling water. It's a delightful thirst quencher!!

Kevin always said he'd heard that diet drinks make you crave carbs so I guess it's true. Although, I don't need diet coke to crave carbs. I crave them when I drive by Quik Trips.
Quenching my thirst,
Lisa

Air Travel, Anger and Insecurity

To: Lisa
So I just arrived at my hotel - safely on the ground after my short flight from St. Louis to Chicago. I usually don't have a problem flying but for some reason today, after the plane going down off the coast of Africa, I was a bit nervous. Logically, I know that traveling by plane is safer than driving. Logically I know that any time there is something that goes wrong the FAA puts a stop gap in place so that same thing can never happen again. Logically I know that the pilot wants to get where we are going as much as I do. But..... Emotionally, there were thunderstorms all across the Midwest this afternoon. Emotionally, the airlines assume no responsibility for acts of God. Emotionally, I am completely at the mercy of a pilot - is he having a bad day? is he having any health problems? is he concerned about the economy? What is really on his mind?
Needless to say, when I landed I had a terrible stomach ache. Now, I am by all intents and purposes - the perfect traveling customer. I always take my seat right away. My carry on never goes in the overhead - I only take on the plane what I can get under the seat in front of me. And I ALWAYS buy a bag of candy for the flight attendants. I guess I figure if the worst happens, I want them to like me the most.

From: Lisa

To: Lisa

You buy gifts for the airline attendants?!! You're kidding. Since airlines started charging $4.50 for a pack of peanut butter crackers I have to say it never crossed my mind to buy anyone a gift. Actually back in the day working for an airline meant that you plus every member of your extended family for the next 12 generations got to fly free. I always figured they get enough gifts.

To be honest I secretly wish airlines would pretend like it's 1965, when a round trip ticket was something that only 4% of the population could afford. This eliminates the Grey Hound Bus syndrome where in a commercial flight is like taking a cross country trip on a grey hound complete with convicted felons, baby daddy's with their kidnapped offspring, the morbidly obese and folks suffering from swine flu. They also need to reinstate the height/weight and attractiveness regulations for flight attendants. I am frankly quite sick of 50 year old women in khaki shorts throwing peanuts and watered down drinks at me.

Yours in Anger.
From: Lisa

To: Lisa
Well now you have gone and made me feel fiscally irresponsible. But you make my point well. It is not 1965 any more and those poor flight attendants are working on a flying Grey Hound Bus. I certainly wouldn't want that job! Crabby smelly people of all kinds, and they have to be flying waitresses, and custodians. It is a hard job! Actually a pretty gross job when you think about it. The last time I didn't check my bags, and tried to use the over head compartment I met one of those 50 year old flight attendants. And that experience was when I decided to only carry on what I could fit under my seat.
I was trying to fit my roll on bag in the over head compartment and there was room, but in order to get it in there some things would need to be re-arranged. I very politely asked the flight attendant to help me. ( I always feel a bit uncomfortable touching other peoples stuff) She NOT SO POLITELY told me she "doesn't do luggage." I was terribly offended by that, and ended up spending the entire flight wondering if it was something I said or did that caused her to be so snippy. We both had a terrible flight, me because I was in my head for an hour and twenty minutes wondering what I did to solicit such a response; her because, well, she was just a crabby lady who apparently hated her job.

It was then that I decided I needed to make a change in the way I traveled. I tried to figure out what I could do to "win" these people over to my side. Since they can't accept tips - I give them candy. If I spent the time to analyze why, I am certain it would all come back to my sick obsession to be liked by all. That and of course the karma thing - maybe it will pay off in the end with some remarkable reward like an inflatable life vest that doesn't have a leak, (am I wrong or do those things look like a swift poke with a pen and you would sink like a rock) or help with that oxygen mask that I am certain will not provide enough oxygen even though it is not fully inflated, (who are they kidding, if there was enough oxygen to keep everyone breathing those bags would fully inflate - I am convinced there is a shortage of oxygen during the course of a one hour flight) or most importantly - does anyone really know how to make that seat cushion a floatation device? I have tried to lift one up - they don't move so easy.
I guess my unselfish act is purely selfish on my part.
Insecurely yours,
From Lisa