Air Travel, Anger and Insecurity

To: Lisa
So I just arrived at my hotel - safely on the ground after my short flight from St. Louis to Chicago. I usually don't have a problem flying but for some reason today, after the plane going down off the coast of Africa, I was a bit nervous. Logically, I know that traveling by plane is safer than driving. Logically I know that any time there is something that goes wrong the FAA puts a stop gap in place so that same thing can never happen again. Logically I know that the pilot wants to get where we are going as much as I do. But..... Emotionally, there were thunderstorms all across the Midwest this afternoon. Emotionally, the airlines assume no responsibility for acts of God. Emotionally, I am completely at the mercy of a pilot - is he having a bad day? is he having any health problems? is he concerned about the economy? What is really on his mind?
Needless to say, when I landed I had a terrible stomach ache. Now, I am by all intents and purposes - the perfect traveling customer. I always take my seat right away. My carry on never goes in the overhead - I only take on the plane what I can get under the seat in front of me. And I ALWAYS buy a bag of candy for the flight attendants. I guess I figure if the worst happens, I want them to like me the most.

From: Lisa

To: Lisa

You buy gifts for the airline attendants?!! You're kidding. Since airlines started charging $4.50 for a pack of peanut butter crackers I have to say it never crossed my mind to buy anyone a gift. Actually back in the day working for an airline meant that you plus every member of your extended family for the next 12 generations got to fly free. I always figured they get enough gifts.

To be honest I secretly wish airlines would pretend like it's 1965, when a round trip ticket was something that only 4% of the population could afford. This eliminates the Grey Hound Bus syndrome where in a commercial flight is like taking a cross country trip on a grey hound complete with convicted felons, baby daddy's with their kidnapped offspring, the morbidly obese and folks suffering from swine flu. They also need to reinstate the height/weight and attractiveness regulations for flight attendants. I am frankly quite sick of 50 year old women in khaki shorts throwing peanuts and watered down drinks at me.

Yours in Anger.
From: Lisa

To: Lisa
Well now you have gone and made me feel fiscally irresponsible. But you make my point well. It is not 1965 any more and those poor flight attendants are working on a flying Grey Hound Bus. I certainly wouldn't want that job! Crabby smelly people of all kinds, and they have to be flying waitresses, and custodians. It is a hard job! Actually a pretty gross job when you think about it. The last time I didn't check my bags, and tried to use the over head compartment I met one of those 50 year old flight attendants. And that experience was when I decided to only carry on what I could fit under my seat.
I was trying to fit my roll on bag in the over head compartment and there was room, but in order to get it in there some things would need to be re-arranged. I very politely asked the flight attendant to help me. ( I always feel a bit uncomfortable touching other peoples stuff) She NOT SO POLITELY told me she "doesn't do luggage." I was terribly offended by that, and ended up spending the entire flight wondering if it was something I said or did that caused her to be so snippy. We both had a terrible flight, me because I was in my head for an hour and twenty minutes wondering what I did to solicit such a response; her because, well, she was just a crabby lady who apparently hated her job.

It was then that I decided I needed to make a change in the way I traveled. I tried to figure out what I could do to "win" these people over to my side. Since they can't accept tips - I give them candy. If I spent the time to analyze why, I am certain it would all come back to my sick obsession to be liked by all. That and of course the karma thing - maybe it will pay off in the end with some remarkable reward like an inflatable life vest that doesn't have a leak, (am I wrong or do those things look like a swift poke with a pen and you would sink like a rock) or help with that oxygen mask that I am certain will not provide enough oxygen even though it is not fully inflated, (who are they kidding, if there was enough oxygen to keep everyone breathing those bags would fully inflate - I am convinced there is a shortage of oxygen during the course of a one hour flight) or most importantly - does anyone really know how to make that seat cushion a floatation device? I have tried to lift one up - they don't move so easy.
I guess my unselfish act is purely selfish on my part.
Insecurely yours,
From Lisa